Hedo II & III Trip Reports

	Biff's Bunch

Hedonism III isn't an extension of Hedo II. It takes a 1-1/2 hour bus ride from Mo'Bay to get to either resort. A shuttle flight from Mo'Bay to Negril takes about 15 minutes. Unfortunately, there is no airport at Runaway Bay, so quick shuttle flights are not available to H III.

Check-in at H III was about the same as at H II, with no problems. Our room was ready immediately. The room "key" is a flat plastic card with holes. We had to ask the front desk to punch an extra hole in the card and add a chain. Even "prudes" need a way to carry the key when wearing only a bathing suit. H III should do that to all their keys, not just the safe key.

The rooms at H III are larger and the air-conditioning really works. We never figured out how to change the temperature setting with the remote control so sometimes the room was rather brisk when first entering, but so what, it worked. H II is supposed to have new air-conditioning too.

The bathrooms are also larger and have a whirlpool bathtub. The whirlpool is nice, but noisy. The tub is smaller and you need to be part mountain goat to climb in and out. The large window in the bathroom has only a shade. If you don't pull it down passersby have an excellent view of you using either the tub or the john.

H III has a main dining room, Pastafari Italian restaurant, Munahana Japanese restaurant, and Scotch Bonnet waterside restaurant. The main dining room is smaller than H II. Like H II, service is buffet with similar selections. Breakfast at H III, however, the only the juice choice was orange. H II offered several different juices. Hang on to your plate; if you stopped eating for a second the help was ready to snatch it away.

H III's Pastafari is larger than H II's and its atmosphere is much more sterile. You need reservations but the night we were there the place was almost empty. The food was OK, but not as good as H II’s and not really Italian. It was more like a Jamaican interpretation of what they think Italian is like. (Just as the American version of Italian isn’t really what’s found in the old country either, but it’s closer.)

Munahana, on the other hand, is very popular and was filled every night it was open. The food and service were excellent.

Scotch Bonnet takes the place of the beach grill at H II. It is covered, has regular tables and chairs, and offers a beautiful view of the water. In addition to the usual hamburgers and fries, it also offers some Jamaican dishes like jerk chicken and curried goat.

Water sports at H III are about the same as H II. Scuba activities are arranged differently than they were at H II for the past two years. The good news is that Discover Scuba Diving classes are available for novices and resort divers every morning at 8:45 AM, not just twice a week. Certified divers can do a deep dive at 9 AM and a second, shallow dive with the novices at 11 AM. This allows you to dive in the morning and enjoy all the afternoon activities as well. Hope H II adopts this schedule as well. The bad news is that certified divers must register with water sports at 2 PM only. They get a brief checkout and can only start diving the next day. If you get to H III after 2 PM, you lose an additional day's diving. As a suggestion, why not let certified divers sign in with the Discover Scuba class at 8:45 AM as well as at 2 PM. Give the early group their checkout with the novice class and let them go on the 11 AM shallow dive. That way the second day isn't a total loss for diving.

H III is physically smaller than H II. Guest rooms are in 9 three-story buildings. Four of these face the ocean, boardwalk, and nude areas. A second four form a quadrangle around a pool and sun deck. The ninth is between the quadrangle and ocean buildings and faces the side of H III's property.

Munahana and Pastafari are on either side of the main lobby and "Hoochy's" piano bar is on the second floor, above Munahana. A separate building between Munahana and the ocean buildings houses: on the first floor, an open-sided entertainment area and an enclosed exercise room; on the second floor, the disco and a glass-bottomed Jacuzzi over a grotto in the main pool; on the disco roof, a water slide that includes a clear tube through the disco and which ends in an arm of the main pool that separates the disco building from Munahana and the piano bar. Between the ocean buildings and the water is a sand area with beach volleyball, a giant chessboard, and several tables, chairs, and hammocks. The boardwalk and Wedding gazebo are at the edge of the rocks that drop into the water. Facing out towards the ocean, the boardwalk runs from the Scotch Bonnet on the left to the nude bar, pool, and beach on the right.

This layout leads to more interaction between nudes and prudes than at H II. Nudes use the water slide and Jacuzzi at the main pool while prudes use the beach volleyball court, chess, get popcorn at the nude bar, and stroll the boardwalk past the nude pool and beach.

All the swimming areas, including nude and prude beaches, as well as the pools, are man-made. The architect did a good job of laying them out, but the lawyers ruined the final design. Not one beach or pool is over four feet deep! They are too shallow for swimming and too deep for wading. The scuba class has to kneel to get underwater! How can you play water volleyball standing in water that only comes up to your waist? All the pools have swim-up bars with stools and tables. The stool seats are only about three inches below the water surface. Just your legs and butt are in the water; the rest of you sticks out and gets cold in the breeze. The swimming areas are little more than glorified kiddy ponds.

The architect and planners were out to lunch when it came to shops at H III. At H II there are four shops; a sundries store, a swimwear shop, the H II logo item store, and a duty-free store. No stories were included in the H III design. As an afterthought, two guest rooms on the ground floor of one of the quad buildings were taken over and serve as the H III logo item/swimwear shop and sundries store. Really bad planning! Suggestion, take part of the staff parking lot, build real stores there, and buy some land across the street for staff parking.

For a facility only one year old some items are surprisingly worn. As examples: the entire underwater light fixture in the main pool grotto was hanging by its wires on the bottom of the pool; numerous decorative rocks forming the outside of the grotto and Jacuzzi have fallen out; quite a few tiles on the main pool deck have cracked and are being replaced.

H III offers a "Clothing Optional Booze Cruise" as a tour option. A couple who joined us for dinner complained that it wasn't as advertised. The catamaran was smaller than the one shown at the tour desk. The trip was in conjunction with Breezes, not just H III. The captain forgot to load the booze and claimed the H III group drank it all before the Breezes group boarded. Needless to say, everyone was unhappy and demanded refunds.

By far, the most serious problem with H III is guest participation and behavior. The Superclubs brochures imply that H III is a newer, grander version of H II, with similar games, parties, theme activities, excitement, and atmosphere. They even offer an H II - H III package so you can stay 3 days at one resort and 3 days at the other to enjoy both. (Don’t take it. You loose an entire day of your stay just being bussed from one resort to the other!)

H III does have similar theme nights: Tuesday was PJ party in the disco; Wednesday was "Bare as You Dare" also in the disco; and Thursday was Toga night. We were ready for all three and were looking forward to them. What a disappointment!

At the PJ party we asked the staff photographer not to photograph us. That request was honored, but we felt uncomfortable, fearing we might be in the background of other photos, (we weren't). When a guest entered the disco and started to using his personal digital camera, that's when we said, "We're out of here!" Thus ended our PJ party. As a result, and not wanting to risk a repeat, we did not attend the next night’s "Bare as You Dare" event, bummer.

In keeping with Hedo's toga slogan "No sheet, no eat, and that's no B... sheet", we both dressed in togas. Why are at the sheets provided in the room so much smaller than the ones used at the toga-tying demo? We were appalled when we entered the dining room. It was almost full and only one other couple was wearing togas. Everyone else was wearing regular, casual, street clothes. The staff made no attempt to get anyone to change. As we told the manager, the only word in Hedo's slogan that was true was the last one, "B...sheet!" Eventually 30 or 40 people (15 - 20 couples), in costume, participated in the dancing, etc. after dinner. By then we were so disgusted at being on exhibition rather than just another participant that we went our own way. Suggestion: move more tables and chairs out on the pool deck away from the activity and tell non-participants they must sit and eat out there.

Apparently travel agents are marketing H III, not as another H II, but rather, as an up-scale Hedonism that is not quite as risquŽ or "wicked" as H II. As a result, the guests at H III are ready to eat and drink but not participate. They seem to expect everything else to come to them, just like any resort in Florida. H III should be named Breezes II or Jamaica Ð Jamaica. It lacks the quality and atmosphere to deserve to be called Hedonism III.

Lastly, Air Jamaica does not come to H III on checkout. After the bus ride back to MoÕBay, you have to join the mob at the airport to check-in with Air Jamaica. First line, shuffle up to confirm your reservation, get seat assignment, and boarding pass. Second line, shuffle up to pay departure tax and get tourist stamp on back of boarding pass. Third line, shuffle up and drag bags to counter to check-in bags. Of course, you didn't leave them unattended in that big pile the skycap dumped them on. So much for security! Oh yes, both the skycaps and the resort bus drivers expected tips. This is all-inclusive?

The bottom line, we like Superclubs and Jamaica and we will go back, but not to Hedonism III. We've seen what it's like and it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. We’ll go back to good ol' Hedo II.