Hedo II & III Trip Reports

	Biff's Bunch

Diary of Events

Saturday, November 6, 1999

5:00 a.m. Arrived at airport. The Delta Airlines computer was bouncing on and off line. Our reservation appeared to be good only as far as Atlanta. The Delta computer did not show our Air Jamaica connection as ever having been made. Blamed it on the travel agency (Happy Tours). So we were told we had to fly to Atlanta and pick up our luggage and recheck it through Air Jamaica.

6:10 a.m. Departed RDU.

7:15a.m. Arrived Atlanta. Picked up luggage. Checked in at Air Jamaica. No problem, mon -- Reservations were all okay.

8:40 a.m. Boarded Air Jamaica flight.

9:30 a.m. Departed Atlanta. Surrounded by couples enroute to Jamaica to be married. No reggae music playing. Dull flight, but we made it there.

12:00 p.m. Arrived Mo’bay.

12:56 p.m. On bus to Hedonism III.

2:10 p.m. Arrived at HIII. Check-in sucks! Papers blowing everywhere -- they need clipboards to hold down all the paperwork they expect you to fill out. (Easy now to appreciate Ken’s assistance with HII check-in!) Ate lunch. Main dining room is much smaller than HII. Watched people sliding down enclosed water slide.

3:25 p.m. Still waiting for a room.

3:45 p.m. Met Michael who used to work at HII. Asked for help in getting a room.

3:48 p.m. Lady at front desk said 614 is our room as soon as they can get it cleaned.

4:12 p.m. Still waiting for a room. A little customer service at this point would have been a great help, like rerouting the "cleaning schedule" to accommodate the measly three guests trying to check in, instead of making them wait while housekeeping cleaned 136 other rooms first.

4:30 p.m. Still waiting for a room.

4:47 p.m. They asked the bellman to take us to our room. (Just wanted to get us out of the front reception area!) No keys. No safe key. Been on site over 21/2 hours. Not having fun.

4:55 p.m.: Maid still finishing up cleaning. Room has CD player, ironing board, remote-controlled air conditioner, TV with cable (see below for channels). Must check out a hair dryer from front desk if you did not bring one with you.

7:31 p.m. Returned from tour of beach, etc. Beach is much smaller than HII. See photos. Not so "lush" — all the plants are small and obviously newly planted.

9:00 p.m. Hot tub. Bruises and gash on knee from the sharp edge of the tile around tub (Ruth).

Sunday, November 7, 1999

9:30 a.m. Coffee is available at nude bar at pool.

10:00 a.m. Breakfast in main dining room, called the Tropical Terrace restaurant.

11:00a.m. Toured site. Water sports area. Scotch Bonnet restaurant. Japanese restaurant is not open yet -- still under construction. On to beach and met some like-spirited persons.

3:00 p.m. RAIN — hot tub, lots of drinks, Purple Rain and Tanqueray. The outlook for fun begins to pick up a bit. Second injury occurred at edge of hot tub (Frank’s leg, this time). Who built this thing?

4:30 p.m. Back to room. Tried to nap, but to quote Ruth, "They were bull dozing the place, so we couldn’t sleep." Noisy bunch of people working there.

5:00 p.m. Maids came to clean up, so back to pool.

5:30 p.m. Tried to complete nap.

6:30 p.m. Dinner. Theme was "Glitter and Glam.". Very few guests dressed to the theme. Shame on them. Remember the lecture about "participating"?

8:45 p.m. Entertainment — "Casino" with Michael the "HII Guy" and Jennifer. Through extensive cheating, we won two T-shirts and — guess what? - a bottle of Tia Maria. Chatted. Piano Bar. Disco. Loud, loud, loud everywhere you went!

1:00 a.m. Hot tub — dead. Met Chuck "the best man". Ruth was accosted by a vicious old drunk, but Frank — another drunk -made short work of him.

Monday, November 8, 1999

8:30 a.m.: RAIN. Cleared by 9 a.m..

10:05 a.m. Breakfast.

RAINED all afternoon

Tuesday, November 9, 1999

Clear in a.m.. Lunch in Scotch Bonnet Restaurant. Cloudy afternoon.

Wednesday, November 10, 1999

Met Frank "The Undertaker" from NY. Really, he was an undertaker.
Dinner entertainment - "Battle of the Sexes".
Karaoke in piano bar. Disco. Hot tub.
Michael and Jennifer make up for a lot of lacking.
Playboy — Naughty Amateurs — scheduled to be onsite Thursday — Saturday.
"Love my black sandals" — Ruth.

At this point our diary peters out, so we will have to make do with comments from our intrepid travelers.

It rained on Wednesday. It rained on Thursday. The sun shone on Friday.

Beach area was mostly deserted most of the time. There were no "crowds" anywhere at the Nude areas. We heard about wild parties into the wee hours of the night in the Hot Tub but always missed them!

You could pee and wave at the passers-by right from your own luxury bathroom window (no curtains, only a shade to pull down and leave you in total darkness.)

The flowers were pretty.

There were fornification booths (also called bus stops) placed thither and yon on the premises.

You had to make an appointment and pay in advance at the front desk for a massage, but Debra the masseuse was very competent ($35 for _ hour, $70 for a full hour).

The one time we finally decided to do the water slide (at 5 p.m. on Friday afternoon), it was closed until 10 p.m.!

Flash floods caught up with us in Jamaica by departure Saturday. Our mini-van hit a couple of potholes on the way to the airport and busted the transmission or something and had a flat tire! We nearly missed our return flight. Stress…way too much stress!

Compare and Contrast

Hedonism III	Hedonism II
Water slide	No water slide
TV in room	No TV (thank God!)
Lots of beach towels available	Hunt for your own towels & good luck!
Sauna on Nude and Prude Areas	No sauna
Steam room on Nude and Prude Areas	No steam room
Whirlpool bathtubs in the room	Gotta make your own whirls
Scotch Bonnet Restaurant right on water. Very nice view, etc.	No Scotch Bonnet; just pool patio for waterfront view while eating
Air conditioning works and is remote controlled	Air conditioning works? Hah!
Three restaurants in addition to small main dining room:
Pastafari — good food, good service, no salads; too noisy; needs drapes & carpets.	Pastafari - cozy atmosphere and salad served.
Munahana Japanese — not open yet. Still under construction.	Muna-who na?
Scotch Bonnet — jerk chicken and hamburgers, good food, good service, right on water — good view to enjoy while you are eating. Hot, hot, hot!	Oh, well….
Beach grill & bar - bartender can mix a drink on top of his head! No permanent bartender assigned to nude bar.	Bet Delroy and Scumba could do a head drink too if they wanted~!
Trapeze on beach	Same same
Three swimming pools	Two swimming pools
Furniture in rooms not arranged well. Constantly in each other’s way while trying to dress for dinner, etc. Feng shui definitely not practiced.	Standard arrangement - just have to be careful not to drop drawers on your toes!
Lots of tripping hazards and slippery areas	Relatively safe walk areas for drunks
Tall buildings not spread out	Low buildings all spread out
Newer equipment	Worn out equipment
Nice game area & exercise room; 3 pool tables, 2 ping-pongs; big-screen TV	Game area is small and limited; open exercise area; no big-screen TV
No Air Jamaica flight check-in on site	Air Jamaica right there for you
NO SHOPPING - OHMYGOD! One room converted to a small pharmacy/gift shop. Not good…	Gift shops, jewelry shop, etc. so that you can frivolously spend your money and time if you want to
Lots of stairs to climb - to the piano bar, to the disco, to the water slide	Minimal stair-climbing needed - just that walk up the hill that kills you!
Deafening sound system used everywhere - main dining, piano bar, disco	Worn out equipment?
Massage by appointment at front desk; done in special "massage cabana"	Massage by appointment on beach
NO SHOPPING - OHMYGOD!	Shopping…
No catamaran nude cruises	Special cruises available
Glass-bottom boat (borrowed from Breezes)	Glass-bottom boats available
One rescue boat, and it was broke.	Probably broke here too, but who cares?
Glass-bottom jacuzzi, upstairs, just before you get to the disco (even saw "nudes" in it!)	No glass-bottom jacuzzi - go figure.
Rocky landscape all along beach; rough seas keep the water stirred up	Protected bay provides a calmer beach experience
Two nice decks on either side of nude beach area; access to them will tear up the soles of your feet!	No decks, just beach and that neat new jetty; much easier on bare feet
Pleasant pianist in piano bar; same ole songs	Ultimate — oh, well…
NO SHOPPING - OHMYGOD!	Thank goodness for H II!

TV Channels in Room

BBC World Service (English)
NA
NHK (Japanese)
NA
ESPN (English)
NA
HBO (English)
NA
Cinemax (English)
ABC (English)
Deutsche Welle (German)
"Hedonism Welcomes You" — no programming just a sign.
DTN Advertisements
Playboy (English) Sex, sex, sex and more sex —don’t they ever stop???
RAI (Spanish)
All News Channel (English)
Dining Room Camera continuously pans around dining room and main bar.
Elevator music — no picture
Music

Bottom Line

Go to Hedonism II — it’s just more fun.