Hedo II & III Trip Reports

	Biff's Bunch

My first trip to Jamaica was brought about by accident. A good friend of mine, being the owner of our local travel agency noticed that I was getting REALLY stressed out about life and dropped off a load of brochures at the bar one day. After browsing through, and not being able to make up my mind on a destination I decided to use the most scientific method available to me at the time (and after 6 beers). I simply closed my eyes, shuffled the brochures and .....Hello !!! ... Jamaica.

Not having traveled or vacationed in a number of years, I wasn't prepared for the trip the 1st time that I went. For starters, I was told that its "All Inclusive"..."You only need to bring a few dollars with you" .....WRONG ...... I blew that in the first day with Yellow Man at the beach (The guy that sells the hand carved stuff). Thank God for Western Union and a fat bank account back home. The trip from the airport to Negril was fun though, my being the last person off of the plane playing something in all of that. When we landed everyone "rushed" to get off of the plane. Me, being on vacation for the first time in years was determined not to move my tired-ass body faster than a snails crawl so I let everyone get off before me. I stopped to flirt with the flight attendants also ...they were really funny and laughed when I told them I was going to Hedo...they KNEW what it was all about...poor stupid unsuspecting me ! Needless to say by time I cleared customs and got my luggage the bus was filled up so I got stuck into a cab with 3 other folks going to Hedo as well. The trip was a blast !! We stopped and got a case of beer on the way and were fairly sloshed by the time we reached Negril. The cabbie was awesome too ...EXTREMELY friendly and man could he sing ...we turned up the tunes on the way and jammed to reggae .

Important Note: The roads feel like you are driving through the demilitarized zone, and livestock wander randomly onto roads so don't engage your driver in too much conversation all at once !!

Check-In: They lost my reservation so it was "just go the bar and have a drink Mr Cadran ..we'll get a room for you shortly". That lasted almost 5 hours, and when people started filtering in for dinner I was into the Flaming Bob Marleys with a guy that I had met who had just arrived there as well. That's when I met "Candy"...she was a beautiful redhead from Los Angeles who had just arrived with her sister in law the day before. We started talking at the bar and she joined in our shot-slugging fun. Later that night we continued onto the disco where we danced until our butts hurt . The night ended with her and I taking a moonlit stroll on the beach, and then back to her room where I got my first "Hedo-Kiss".

THE NEXT DAY (Not a pretty sight......):

Waking up with one of the worst headaches that I have EVER had in my life (Why must the sun be so bright in the morning?) I dragged my sorry ass up to the dining room ....passed on the eggs and headed right back to the bar to bite the dog that bit me the night before. I ordered up a Red Stripe and proceeded to the pool, where I took one of the floaties and relaxed to the nice cool water.

After a half-dozen beers and my skin getting all pruned up I decided to exit the pool for a lounge chair when I ran into Candy's sister in law. She promptly invited me to come with the three ( 3 ?) of them on the catamaran cruise. The third person was a guy that we had met in the dance club the night before ( I didn't remember his name then, and I can't remember it now). He was a little upset that another guy was there, and I was going to bail, but I was talked into staying and OFF WE WENT. Bob Marley's "Jammin'" on the radio and a keg of Red Stripe, not to mention beautiful women on board ....hey...life doesn't get much better than that !!

On the way over to the "Pickled Parrot" and our snorkeling dive we were treated to the tunes of Rasta Ralfie...one of Negril's permanent fixtures that "make" the trip and whole experience what it is. I met a lot of REALLY fun people on the cruise....we had A"helluva" time. We reached the pickled parrot and I was the 2nd person to swim into the caves that lead up to the cliff jumping site. When we got up top the 1st guy up was like "HELL NO" after walking to the edge and looking down. Originally I had no intention of jumping, but upon walking to the edge, Candy and the folks that stayed behind started to chant "Justin, Justin, Justin" . Now I had to jump or look like a chicken ( You know...that whole peer pressure thing ...."If all of your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too ? ...WELL I GUESS SO !!!! ). Down I went...it's amazing how quick you fall ....

On the trip back we had a great time doing the Limbo listening to Ralfie again and partaking of many Red Stripes. The weather and women were gorgeous ...Marley was playing... Life was GOOD !!

After returning I decided to head over to the nude side and check it out. I've never really been shy, but I didn't really know what to expect walking down there. Needless to say it was a rather long walk, and I wasn't quite sure at exactly WHAT point along the beach I was actually supposed to take off my clothes. I figured it out when this woman that was sitting with a group of people yelled out "PRUDE ALERT", raced over and yanked my drawers down. Handing them back to me with a "There, thats better" and a big ole smile she went back to what she was doing.....I felt like one of the gang now. I must admit that the nude side WAS more FUN than the prude side. I LOVED the bar, and met the unforgettable "Delroy" for the first time. To sum him up in just a few words...."he's one HOT shit guy"...we joked and laughed for quite a while (while I got exceedingly more drunk) until I finally headed off to dinner.

Now one must remember that I am from New England, and as such we are easily picked out in a crowd by the fact that we nearly glow because our skin is so pale from lack of sun. The combination of the days events combined with the immense amount of alcohol that I had consumed combined to make me the reddest S.O.B. walking around, especially my face and forehead for some reason. At dinner I met up with Candy and she gave me some aloe vera to put on my skin after taking this picture of me trying to cool off my face. She calls it: "Snapshot of the audition for Home Alone 3: Lost in Jamaica...starring ...Justin" . Not feeling well, incredibly drunk, and completely shake and baked, I called it a night and bowed out of going to the PJ party with Candy.

The Next Day (Wednesday): "Gotta Make it up"

Started off the day by waking up late. I did feel much better than the night before, and the aloe had helped quite a bit. I headed up the main area for my usual "Liquid Breakfast" of Red Stripe and even tried some of those strawberry things in the machine on top of the bar. Careful: drinking these TOO fast will cause brain-freeze !! I happened to run into Tom at this point and he told me about an island party/picnic where you take off and go have fun. Always game I decided "What the Hell", and off we went. We all loaded up onto a boat ...probably about 30 of us and were introduced to the "Numero Uno" guy at the docks who declared himself as "Captain Shit" ...so starts the day.

Upon reaching the island we all got off and filed past several crates of that vile " I wouldn't serve it to my worst enemy even if he banged my girlfriend" punch. We each took one, were herded into the water in a circle, sat down, and the fun began.... We played several games over the course the next few hours, and I and the girl next to me (Autumn was her name) seemed to be singled out for exceptional punishment. "Captain Shit" did help me out by making her kiss one random guy of her choice for failing to answer a question right, and YOU GUESSED IT !! I was that lucky guy. She was exceptionally pretty, and as I was the only one that she knew there so I got the honors ....for about 5 minutes straight. Everyone was hootin' and hollerin' and telling us to get a room before we finally finished.

The rest of the picnic was just as enjoyable: good food (or maybe it was bad food and we were just REALLY drunk), an aloe rub from a woman on the beach, and a foiled attempt to sneak off into the bushes with Autumn. We were told that there was no wondering away from the immediate area of the beach on the island. But, besides that it was fun to the sun !! Upon return from the island picnic Tom and I (TOTALLY WASTED) decided to put on our flip-flops and catch a taxi over to Mrs. Brown's and procure some ...Ganga Cake... I'll never admit to doing it again, and unless you have an 8" x 10" colored glossy photo with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us ..... I didn't do it ....so there !!!

End of day: I ran into Candy's sister in law at the nude hot tub after Tom and I got back and was told that it was going to be my lucky night that night if I didn't tire myself out or get plastered that night ..... things were looking UP !!!! After dinner and a night at Veronicas (I'll talk more about Veronica's later in this trip report) ..thats exactly what happened ... it was incredible ....we opened the windows and let the sounds of the ocean in ....we left the lights on and the curtains open too (grin).

Thursday: "These Pipes Are Clean !!!!"

Woke up and decided to try to win a gold medal in "sexolympics" in bed for a few hours. I was finally kicked out so that we could shower and meet at the dining room for breakfast. I actually ate that day ...a first for me on breakfast since I arrived. Candy asked me if I was interested in spending the day in town shopping, but being tired from the night before I passed on the shopping spree and hooked up with Tom for Red Stripes while floating in the pool. We probably hung out there 2 or 3 hours and happened to meet 4 girls from the midwest ....Missouri if I remember correctly. They worked for a regional cell phone company and had received the trip for winning some kind of contest in their company. They were very friendly so Tom and I shoved over on our floatie-thing and let them share some space.

After awhile a coordinator tried to get us down to the nude side for games on the nude side. The girls were REALLY insistent that we go with them so Tom and I dragged our shriveled asses out of the pool and followed them down for some fun. We had fun and hung out in the pool for quite some time. While we were in the hot tub one of the girls that I was talking to suddenly asked me if she could kiss me. It was incredibly erotic having this good looking girl on my lap kissing me (and then some) while everyone in the pool was just doing their thing. She COMPLETELY floored me when she said " I want to have sex so bad..." ----back to her room in record time. This trip was turning into a crazy ride.......

I left her room in the middle of dinner, showered, donned my homemade toga, and headed up to the dining room. There I hooked up with Candy and we spent the rest of the night hanging out together. The Toga party got extremely wild with everyone on the dance floor in conga lines. A lot of nudity and then some as well.... Oh, and I won 2nd place for "Most Roman" toga. The night was great, as we all partied and just enjoyed each others company. I have never been to any place where so many people from so many different areas can come together for fun and just "mesh" so well. I ended the night by having my buddy "Thomas" from the dining room have the cooks whip up some home-made whip cream for the "end of night" party back in Candy's room. Oh, in case anyones wondering, her sister in law was spending the nights in a couples room that we met from New Jersey ....being a good girl.

Friday : When in Rome ...Don't Always Do As The Romans Do

Woke up late again and had an incredible hangover. I decided to pass over breakfast completely and we stayed in bed until afternoon. I finally went back to my room and discovered that my old roommate had left...I haven't mentioned him up to this point because I NEVER met the guy !), and anew person had replaced him. The new guys name was Kevin, and we hit it off fairly well. This was his 5or 6th time to Hedo, and he had come fully equipped with handcuffs, edible panties, and other implements of destruction. I thought that was a little weird ... but hey ...each to his own. I cleaned up and made it up to the dining room to catch lunch and wolf down some food ...man was I hungry. We just spent a lot of the early afternoon hanging out and mingling with friends that we had met while there. Candy and I ventured down to the nude side to lay in the sun but invariably got dragged into the games there. "Find your Mate": was fun, and I took 2nd place in the "Best Buns" contest. Now for that I DID blush. I had my ass groped by more women in the judging part of that contest than any waitress in a bar or truck stop every dreamed of. I gratefully took my prize of a bottle of Tia Maria and got my butt back into pool. We stayed the remainder of the day jumping from the pool to the hot tub and slugging down drinks like Dirty Bananas and Red Stripes like they were going out of style. We got pretty crazy with a group of folks that were leaving the next day, and swapped partners for "lips around the world" .... where you kiss each woman and then the guys judge the best kisser. Some of the women take the competition VERY seriously, and REALLY want to win. It was all in good adult fun though, and we had a blast as you can see in the pic to the left. Don't ask me when or how her top got on my head, but it did. It was dubbed my "aviators cap" for the night...

We did take a break for dinner, and I left before the end of the dinner show and the start of the beach Party because I was rather tired. I took a short nap to get my fighting strength back up to snuff and walked down to the beach to catch the end of the Beach Party relay races. As it broke up I headed up to Veronicas where I had made plans to meet Candy. We sat at the piano in the piano bar for the remainder of the night and I even sang some ...which is a rarity. I also passed on the Flaming Bob Marleys with some of our new friends...I felt like slowing down a little. I did get the pleasure of hearing "The Big Bamboo" sung to Candy by the piano player. Man, what a FUNNY song. If you get a chance to sit at the piano have David play it for your lady...its good adult fun !! Candy and I left Veronicas and headed back to my room where my roommate was passed out. We crashed early after a little adult fun :)

Saturday: Games in the Shade

Woke up with Candy and spent the morning hours romping through the sheets. Getting hungry and VERY tired I decided to head up to the dining area again. ..typical day ...head to the bar. I got talked into going on the Catamaran cruise again, seeing as we had so much fun the last time. The trip was less expensive this time because we had gone the previous Tuesday. It started out pretty much as the last trip. There were some new faces on board, and some were missing, as some of our friends had left. Rast Ralfie was noticeably absent, and we were slightly disappointed because we had enjoyed him so much on our previous trip.We pulled away from the dock again ...Marley on the radio...red Stripes in had ...looking like a good day so far. It wasn't until we were about halfway to the Pickled Parrot that the storm clouds rolled in REALLY quick. Before we reached our destination, the rain was pounding down, and everyone was huddling under the catamarans shelter to stay out of the stinging rain. We turned around, and us guys took turns outside the shelter so that others could get under cover. The rain was actually falling so hard it hurt, and the ocean was getting real rough. When we docked back at the resort there was a lot of trouble getting people off the boat using the gang plank because the boat was pitching so much that people were almost falling off trying to get across. Our little group ran up to the dining area, grabbed towels, and settled in with drinks until the rain let up. I spent some time hanging out with my group of friends and someone broke out a "naughty" dice game. We started playing at the large round table in the dining area. An hour or so into the game we were all getting into it (and the beer), and boy were we having fun (and making a lot of noise too). New people who had recently arrived dropped by to see the excitement and we invited them to play with us. Pretty soon, the large table couldn't contain our little group. We were finally thrown out of the dining area when clothing started coming off and one of the girls threw her bikini top at the manager on duty. We were shooed outside and continued playing next to the prude side pool. We ever got some of the stuck-ups to join in with us. I have to admit that it was a lot of fun, and the group was really in a good mood that day ....FUN was had by all. we were finally chased out of the prude area all together when all of the girls started stripping..... We were banished to the nude side. The fun continued as we all moved into the nude side and took over the hot tub. Things got steadily worse from there. Someone came up with the bright idea to play "Truth or Dare...Screw the Truth...Dare or Dare" This would be a XXX site if i described everything that happened, but it was VERY risque stuff, and by nature ....fun. It was also one hell of a picture taking time. The girls were willing to take all kinds of photos, and I was slightly...not a lot...but slightly worried that we would actually get kicked out of the nude side as well. After things heated up quite a bit, people started drifting off in groups of 2 or 3 to do ...well... whatever it is consenting adults do behind closed doors.I disappeared myself for several hours and had to fight my way out of Candy's room to go back and shower for dinner. We all agree to meet at dinner and hung out for a while. Candy and I headed down to the beach and hung out in the hammock and relaxed for several hours just talking. Finally, after a lot of jaw-jacking and funny stories we headed off to bed, calling it a night around midnight.

Sunday: Jamaican Candy

Woke up and went to breakfast with Candy and her sister in law (who had almost dropped off the face of the resort the last few days).The girls were leaving today, and we were sad to part company after such a fun filled week. We put their bags outside their door and stored their carryons in my room until they left. We then wandered back up to the dining area to trade in candy's "HedoBucks". She also made a last minute trip to the gift shop to pick up some souvenirs for relatives, etc. I had given all of my HedoBucks to her so she was able to buy a few bottle of Appleton Rum and some Tia Maria. I was REALLY, REALLY tired myself and starting to look forward to going on a vacation from my vacation when I got home. I actually was looking forward to leaving tomorrow and heading home ...that whole burning the candle at both ends thing... We all stayed in the pavilion and drank coffee, saying goodbye to the people that were leaving or staying until Candy's bus arrived. We kissed goodbye and made plans to get together in las vegas for a weekend in about a month or so when we got home. As she was leaving I told her that she was my "Jamaican Candy", and that I would NEVER forget her...what a woman.

As her bus pulled away from the resort I suddenly felt a little blue, so I headed back down to the beach. I ran into Tom and the cell phone girls lounging in beach chairs by the ocean. I hooked up with them and we spent a lot of the afternoon drinking Red Stripe and talking with them. Starting to get a little drunk I decided to pass on the nude side fun and headed back to my room to pack up for the next days departure. Around dinner time I ate, and watched the dinner show. End of Night: I decided to take a nice stroll by myself down along the beach, and ended up running into a woman taking a walk by herself as well. I don't remember how we started talking or even if I got her name, but we talked for HOURS. She was a little disappointed about the resort ...it was a little too wild for her and she was a little prudish when it came to nudity. We talked about everything under the sun until we were both tired and decided to call it a night. She thanked me and told me that meeting me was the highlight of her trip...I was flattered. I walked her back to her room and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and a "Goodnight" ...not a bad way to end your last night in paradise.

The Last Day: Bon Voyage

My last day... I ate early and had a few cups of coffee...4 to be exact. By the time I was ready for checkout I was wired and wound up pretty tight. My bus was due to leave at around 12:30 so I headed up to the checkin counter and had a seat ...popped Bob Marley into my CD Player, and relaxed to the music. The bus showed up and we all got on and were treated to the little band that plays for people when they leave. I was sad to leave and reviewed the trip in my mind as we took the long trip from Negril to montego Bay. I have NEVER had as much fun or felt so alive as the last week... I made up my mind at that point that had FOUND my life long vacation spot, and like MacArthur "I Shall Return"...

We stopped at a little shack halfway to Montego Bay and everyone got off to use the bathroom and buy sodas. We only stayed about 30 minutes and then were back on the road until we reached the airport. Check-in at the airport was quick and we boarded the plane not long after. However, there was a problem with the airplane and we were delayed from leaving by almost 2 hours. Finally getting into the air we were treated to our last Jamaican Sunset as we winged our way over Jamaica and Cuba, on our way back to Dismal Boston. So ends my trip...hope you enjoyed ...and ...remember that when life gets you down and the rules get too strict you can always come home ...back to JAMAICA and Hedo, where the motto is "Be Wicked For A Week"....