Hedo II & III Trip Reports

	Biff's Bunch

Well.... Back to reality in a hurry !!! This trip report details the latest antics, explorations, and observations on our most recent trip to Hedonism II in Negril, Jamaica, W.I. (that's West Indies...not Wisconsin !!!!) April 16-25, 1999.

We started out as usual catching the NorthWest airline flight out of Minneapolis in the early a.m. hours on Friday, April 16, 1999. After a slight delay in boarding, the plane taxied towards the runway...However, it was NOT going to be that easy !!! Apparently, the plane was too heavy for the regular (short) runway, so we were directed to a runway that was perpendicular to the rest of the departing (and arriving...) flights. This was NOT going to be easy getting a take-off slot this way !!!! After 45 minutes of waiting in a "parking zone", the pilot informed us that we had burned off enough fuel (couldn't they just take some out ???) to go for it on the runway that the rest of the planes were using and we headed for the line of planes waiting to depart....FINALLY !!!! OFF THE GROUND and heading back to Jamaica and vacation !!!! We managed to arrive (after a brief stop in Tampa, FL) at Montego Bay only an hour or so late and quickly de-planed and headed for the inevitable wait at Immigration (very short....My wife loves the sound of the immigration officials stamping EVERYTHING in sight...), baggage claim (again very short wait...) and customs (VERY short....). Soon we were off to the TimAir charter terminal for a quick hop to the Negril Aerodrome. We had to wait in the charter terminal for about a half hour as there were a lot of flights to Negril that day and a LOT of flights (mainly Air Jamaica) that were delayed, many hours, but finally they decided to put the two of us on the BIG plane (seats 8 people...) and head for Negril....We finally arrived at the Aerodrome and took a short cab ride to Hedo.....

Arrival at Hedo:

Arriving at the front lobby of the resort, it became obvious that we had arrived after the airport buses had arrived: the lobby was packed and a long line of arrivals with angry looks,voices and tired faces greeted us instead of smiles and relief at arriving. Apparently SuperClubs has routinely been overbooking the resort by as much as 200 people per week and EVERYONE was being sent to another resort !!! (This was to be the normal for almost ALL new arrivals during our entire stay...and beyond...) My wife (Tracy) headed for the main bar to get us a couple of drinks while I crept into line and waited my turn. Two vodka-Tings later, I was actually near the desk !!! Ahead of me was a group of rather irate singles (from New York and New Jersey...I HAD to ask...) who were threatening to sue, etc. the resort because they were booked at Hedonism and not another resort. The clerk at the front desk was trying to explain to them that they would be staying at Pointe Village (next door to Hedo) and would have a room guaranteed the next day as well as have full privileges at both resorts.....They didn't want to hear it, however, and continued to make a fuss... It is not hard to guess who won the battle. I asked them to calm down and relax...(this IS Jamaica...you're on vacation.....)....."room soon come,mon...."

I don't know if they took my advice, but they took their assignments to the other resort and stood off to the side... I sat down, and having already heard the spiel about the overbooking, asked where they were sending us and how soon we could get there and get on the beach (wherever it was !!!)..... The clerk (stunned by a casual and friendly manner), looked at our bookings and talked to the acting manager (Dwight), and informed us that we were to be staying at Couples that night and that our room would be available tomorrow at Hedo for the duration of our stay. Our room was upgraded from Garden View Au Naturale to Ocean View Au Naturale and we left the desk (after only about 5 minutes......) to check out if the rest of our crew had arrived. We left our bags at the front desk and headed for the beach....We dropped our clothes on the beach (after getting "prude alert, prude alert" from the Butt Crack crew lining the beach....I don't think soooooo....), said hello to DelRoy and had another vodka-Ting. We found out later that our friends had not arrived yet and so we left the beach and went back to the front desk to find Dwight waiting for us with a car to escort us to Couples. Dwight escorted us to the front desk at Couples, introduced us to the manager there and took care of our accommodations, while we drank a glass of champagne in the main lobby. Dwight also handed us a slip of paper with his brother's name on it (his brother manages the water sports department) and told us that if we needed anything to contact him. Just a piece of advice for arrivals at Hedo: Just relax...you're on vacation....if they send you to another resort for a night...just go with it...it's not worth fighting and getting stressed about it since you are not going to win......!!! If you treat the staff there with respect (not anger or impatience) you usually win in the end.... (we did !!)

Couples Resort:

(Even though this IS a Hedonism II trip report, we were impressed by Couples and thought it only fair to include our experiences there as well...after all...SuperClubs sent us there !!!)

Couples is a new (8 months old) all inclusive resort that is located on Bloody Bay, just north of Grand Lido. It has 18 acres of property with 234 rooms and suites, pools,water sports, amenities galore, 3 restaurants, beach grills, 24 hour food service (including room service...), 5 bars, live entertainment, a piano bar (Ultimate plays there...), a fitness Center, Spa services, beauty salon,golf....the list goes on.... A VERY nice place...

We later found out that we were the only Hedo people sent to Couples and that Grand Lido was sending their overflow there....(more overbooking by SuperClubs !!!) We later found out that our friends were all sent over to Swept Away (another all-inclusive resort...their term was: "Slept Away"....) having arrived later in the evening after a LONG flight delay in Atlanta..... They also have a nude beach !!!!

We were escorted to our room by a bellhop and were shown around the room (and how to use the remote control for the air-conditioner and TV....) as well as the balcony overlooking a beautiful pond/wedding area on the grounds. Our room number was 8305 (block 8, third floor, room 5). The room was very nice, with a large, low, futon-style bed (with large pillows) and a very nice, screened wall hanging behind it. There was a large bathroom with a big tub/shower area, a safe for valuables, a dresser in the closet, phone, a TV and a table and chairs and a coffee maker. It was a far cry from the spartan rooms at Hedo !! After sitting on the balcony (we LOVED the balcony !!!) for a bit to gather in our surroundings, we headed for the nude beach !!!

The nude beach is located near the water sports/spa area on the far end of the property (near Block 5 rooms). It is small and but well-groomed with no rocks or weeds present and there were chairs, mats and shade trees as well as a self-serve bar cart. The bar was "help yourself", and had a variety of pop, bottled refreshments, water and on-tap Red Stripe. We wandered into the warm water and began to relax fully.... After a while (and a cloudy sunset) we headed to the main beach area to check it out and have a drink there...The main bar is a swim-up bar connected to a large two level swimming pool located up from the main beach. Service was good and we headed to our room to dress for dinner. The grounds around the resort are very nice and there are a lot of plants and trees in various stages of growth. There are three main restaurants: A formal restaurant requiring formal dress (not for us.....), an open-air pasta restaurant near the pool and beach, and the main dining room. We opted for the main dining room and had a delicious meal (ordered from a menu) along with appetizers and salad/soup (also ordered from the menu). "Bleep..bleep...........bleep,bleep......".....aaaaah the sound of tree frogs means we truly are in Jamaica !!!! (it is truly a relaxing sound to go to sleep to....) Then off to bed after a long first day !!!

The next morning, since our room at Hedo would not be available until the afternoon, we decided to head for the nude beach at Couples again. Tracy likes to take walks in the morning and while I checked out the floats, she walked the beach of Bloody Bay (about a mile walk). When she returned, we made our "camp" on the beach and sat in the water and sand.... We headed up to the main dining room for a buffet breakfast (good...usual fare....) and then headed back to the nude beach until our noon checkout time. During our evening and morning visit to the nude beach, we only saw four or five people inhabiting the nude beach. I think that it will become more popular in the future as more people try this resort. We did wander the resort around noon and visited the various shops and main pool. We even watched a wedding from our balcony while packing to leave. It was a very nice experience and our checkout was easy (they use computers at Couples......) I would recommend Couples as a place to stay in Negril. It is a LOT quieter and tamer than Hedo, however !!!!! Soon we were back in a car heading for Hedo !!

Back to Hedo !! (Saturday):

Our arrival back at Hedo and a quick visit to the front desk only required 1 vodka-Ting this time and our room (2275) was ready, our keys were in our hand, and we headed for the beach !!!!! This was our 8th visit to Hedonism II and very little changes at the resort. We stopped by "Karen's Tree" (a living memorial to a friend planted near the aviary) and checked it out. The tree is doing well and growing nicely, however we found the driftwood (with a plaque on it for Karen) next to another tree and noticed that it had been burned and the plaque barely readable. (Someone was using the driftwood for firewood ???........hard not to notice the plaque....c'mon people.........) We replaced the wood next to Karen's tree and cleaned off the plaque..... We said our "hello's" to the staff (DelRoy, Scumba,Michelle,Jazzmo,Augustas, Robert,Ray, Veronica and many more.......) on the way in and soon found our Corps of Corruption contingent on the beach !! Al and Terri, Dave and Casey were right on the beach "encamped" and hugs,hellos and our traditional "tolls" were all exchanged...... Drinks were gathered, beach chairs assembled..soon we were also part of the camp and meeting others and exchanging stories of our adventures with each other for the rest of the day !!! Jerked chicken from Robert's was a must and of course more drinks from the bar. We met numerous people and made many new friends during our stay: Elaine, Monty & Jan, Keith and Diane, Mike and Kim, Mark, Ed, Lee and a host of others...... This night, after a dinner at the main dining room, Terri managed to get Al into Veronica's while Dave and Casey passed out special T-shirts for Al's 50th birthday (which was going to be on Sunday...). The T-shirts were a great picture of Al, and we donned them and surprised Al at the piano bar....(Happy Birthday AL !!!!!)

More drinks,stories,tolls...etc....and then (as usual for us) an early night...

The Corps of Corruption:

I should explain a little about the Corps of Corruption: We are a loose band of misfit toys.....(I mean people).....that all met on-line or on the beach and go to Hedo at the same time over the years (usually in early October....) We like to study "sand gravity" and it's effects on people...therefore we are a slow moving group (we are usually VERY deep in thought in our studies.....), but once in a while manage to get up from our rigorous study and perform amazing acts.........There are no memberships dues or requirements other than we all like the nude beach and have a good time together !! (Simple !!!) Our motto is: "Life is short, Play naked" and our traditional greeting is a "toll" (a ritualistic squeezing of the buttocks of the opposite sex.....it's how we mentally exchange "sand gravity " information...(or so the story goes)..) If you play "Holiday" (by Jimmy Buffett) you may even see us go into a ritualistic trance/dance..........if we are clothed and "Jump and Wave" is played, we may even get naked (it's been known to happen.......usually in July...) Anywise...on with the story....

The Beach (Sunday and Beyond):

Tracy once again was off on her walk with Al and Terri early (6:30) in the morning and I prepared our daily regimen (I slept in for a while....) and then met them on the beach around 7:15 a.m. for coffee....The best locations on the beach are being grabbed early these days and shaded areas were a premium along with floats !!! Every day there seemed to be an ample supply of air mattresses (with dates and names on them for reference...DON'T TAKE A MATTRESS THAT HAS TODAY'S DATE ON IT !!!!) and the water was very calm for floating around...... Our usual routine is to float around until around 8:30...up to breakfast...then back to the beach (remember the sand gravity studies ??)......into the pool to cool off during the mid-day.....lunch at Robert's...then more sand gravity studies.........I usually go snorkeling in the early morning and try to go scuba diving once in a while, but this trip I started out with a cold and never could clear my ears properly which meant "no scuba diving" !!!! (Oh well......so much for the night dive I wanted so badly to do....) The pool and misting pool area gets very crowded during the hot afternoon hours and the bar is always busy......... People migrate to the hot tub later in the day and then there's the 6 p.m. rush for jerked chicken and fish at Robert's.....(usually gone by 6:20)........Then we migrate up to dinner...eat....go down to the pier and feed the fish...up to Veronica's...a short walk on the beach and then back to the room......early nights usually...... Some of the Corps stay up later than the rest....some even represent us at the disco (Thanks George !!!!)

Monty and Jan's Wedding:

Prior to going to Jamaica, we listed our travel dates on AOL and Denny's web site and were contacted by Monty and Jan who were scheduled to be wed on Monday on the nude beach. Many people contributed photos, which were published on a private web page sort of like a "wedding album" so that we could all find each other once we got to Hedo. We met Monty and Jan when the first day we arrived and spent a lot of time visiting with them throughout the trip. On Monday, the bride (dressed in a short,white skirt) and the groom (dressed in a white shirt and black pants) walked down the jetty to applause and a chorus of "Going to the Chapel" (as sung by the Corps of Corruption....). A minister performed the short ceremony and we all hoped the afternoon rains would hold off long enough. They spoke their vows and the beaming couple (Monty ALWAYS has a grin on his face !!!) walked back down the beach to a reception at Veronica's. We've been to a number of ceremonies at Hedo, but I have to say that this was the largest number of people that I've ever seen attend. The entire nude beach seemed to be there clapping and applauding. Afterwards, a reception at Veronica's was held with a small number of people attending (mostly the Corps.......). Tracy and Casey manned the bar, the piano was unlocked (as well as the CD player) and Al sat behind the piano and we partied. Champagne flowed and singing to "Let's Get Drunk and Screw", "Put Another Log on the Fire" (and other songs) ruled. It was then that we convinced Jan to dance for Monty. I will not say any more on that other than it will go down in the Corps of Corruption Hall of Legends as one of the greatest dances ever...... Monty and Jan were scheduled to eat at Pastafari that night, but "technical difficulties" prevented the restaurant from opening, so they joined us for their wedding night dinner in the main dining room. It was a great time and we wish the couple all the best.

Civil Unrest:

Had it not been for the tragic shooting spree in Colorado, the civil unrest due to the Jamaican government raising the gasoline prices probably would've made the major news in the US. Sites all over Jamaica were the scenes of rioting,looting,robbery and general protest from Monday until the end of the week. It was difficult to get news, but we could tell where the problems were by listening to tales from arriving guests, the radio broadcasts and seeing who made it into work each day. For example, Robert (who lives in Montego Bay) did not make it in until Thursday and DelRoy and some of the beach workers (who live near Lucea) could not make it in until Wednesday. There were reports of armored personnel carriers escorting the buses, robberies of some of the buses, roads blocked by burning tires and looting. Kingston airport was closed down for a few days and flights were cancelled in both Kingston and Montego Bay. On some of the days, the entire group of people scheduled to leave on the buses were instead taken to the Negril Aerodrome and flown out. Negril seemed to be pretty quiet, but it was Thursday before we were told it was ok to leave the resort. We did not personally see any violence or problems although just about every Jamaican had an opinion about it....

There were reports that food shortages may start due to the shutdown and the prices for trips are sure to rise above the already high prices. It seemed to us that the prices were about twice what they were compared to our visit in October 1997. A taxi to downtown Negril (for example) was $30-40 US for two people. We were trying to visit a friend in Cousin's Cove (near Lucea...about 12 miles away) and talked to the tour desk about a vehicle for four people. They quoted us over $140 US for the short trip. Needless to say, we didn't make it there......... The tour desk also wanted to charge us $30/couple to go to the Pickled Parrot (it would've been more than $150 !!!) one night, but we contacted Mike at the Pickled Parrot and he sent a bus to pick us up and take us back for free !!!!! (Keep that in mind if you wish to go to the Pickled Parrot !!!) It really did make the difference between us going and not going......

We did leave the resort during the unrest (Myself, Tracy, Dave and Casey) by walking down the beach towards town to Margaritaville (a bar/beach area about halfway to town...). It was an easy walk along the beach (we only had to walk on a path near the public beach for a short time) and at a leisurely pace it took about 1 hour and 40 minutes. After a light snack and refreshments, we wandered back. It was a great way to spend a day and seeing some of the other parts of the beach. Wear water shoes and bring water with as it can get very warm and some of the resorts may not allow you to stop for fluids, although there are numerous places that sell pop, water and beer. Lots of vendors too with some cheaper prices than at the resorts for the same items.

Repeat Offender's Party:

Wednesday is the weekly night for the Returnee's party hosted by the resort for guests that have been there before. It was scheduled for the Squash Court lawn area, but rains forced it to be moved to the disco. Food was aplenty and there were many people there.

News was as usual: Water pressure being worked on, water temperature being worked on, introduction of staff, Hedonism III news, etc. Hedo III is managed by Kevin Levee and is scheduled to open September 1st. It is in Runaway Bay (north side of the island) and prices will be about 20%% higher than at Hedo II. The plan looks interesting (there is a model in the main lobby of Hedo II), and there was talk of it being all nude.... There is a glass-bottomed hot tub (THAT will generate some tales !!!!) and swim-up rooms....

The free week required 20 visits to win, but there was a large number in the 10-16 range.

There was a large contingent from Butt Crack Tours there also.

Sunset at the Pickled Parrot:

As stated earlier, we did schedule a trip off-resort to the Pickled Parrot Thursday night.

We almost didn't, however, due to the prices quoted us by the tour desk for a bus to take the 12 of us there. When queried, the tour desk quoted us a price of $30/couple !!

That would add up to $180 !!!! Waaaaaay too much for a trip there !! However, I remembered from previous trips that the Parrot has a bus service, so a quick call to them and Mike (the owner) told us that all we had to do was call and he would send a bus to pick us up whenever we wanted and would bring us back (when we wanted) for FREE !!! (We did tip the driver.....) The bus arrived at Hedo right on time (5:30 p.m.) and the Corps arrived in force at the Parrot !!! Drinks, appetizers, dinner, etc. accompanied a nice sunset and Mike (the owner) sat down and talked with us for quite some time. There were two guys who entertained the whole bar by jumping, diving, and cannonballing off of the cliffs (questionable antics......). We had a great time and a great meal. The free bus ride definitely made the difference between going there and not going there and Mike should be commended for providing the service. We prefer the Parrot over Rick's Cafe for viewing the sunset and always have a great time there...... Dinner prices range from around $7.00 US for sandwiches to $24.00 US for lobster dinners. Drink prices are reasonable and they do have special prices for items nightly during the week.

Arriving back at Hedo (around 8:30), we headed for Veronica's and a nightcap..... There we engaged in some "virtual breast fondling" thanks to a large spotlight shining into the seating area........(it was sick, but we had a great time.......) We've been to soooo many Toga nights (Thursday night at Hedo) that it was a welcome relief not to go this year.

Leaving Day:

On Friday, most of the group was scheduled to leave the resort and head home. My birthday was on Friday and the group had brought some gag gifts and cards for me...It was GREAT !!!! We also inherited leftover suntan lotions and a bottle of champagne. Since checkout time was noon and everyone was leaving later, our room was the "gathering point" for everyone's last few belongings and last minute travel preps....

George had arrived on Thursday (he was staying at Pointe Village for 2 days prior to moving over to Hedo on Saturday...) so that left Tracy, myself and George as the sole Corps contingent at the resort. It's always sad to say goodbye to everyone and it usually means that your own vacation is soon to be ending..... It rained VERY hard right after everyone left (a sign ??) and we heard later that it delayed flights from the Aerodrome... It meant that our "encampment on the beach" was going to get seriously smaller !!!! However, we managed to continue to study sand gravity and it did mean we only had to find a small table for dinner each night !

Trip to Negril:

On Saturday, we decided to get a taxi to Negril and pick up some souvenirs and coffee. The prices for Blue Mountain coffee are higher at the airport and resorts, so we thought that the cost of a taxi was worth it. You can go on the bus from the resort ($10 US/person) at 1:30 in the afternoon, but we were not sure that we wanted to spend a couple of hours in town so opted to pay an extra $10 ($30 total) for a private ride... We went to the grocery store/mall and coffee prices were $13.95/lb (100%% Blue Mountain whole beans) compared to $24/lb for the same coffee at the resort and airport. ( In fact, the prices of coffee rose to over $26/lb by the time we left the resort.....)

The mall and grocery store are interesting places to visit and some good deals can be obtained there.

Other observations:

---The food in the main dining area was much improved over previous visits. The salad bar and main entree's seemed much fresher and tastier than before. The pastries and desserts were excellent throughout the week.

---Ray's staff provided great service (as always) even throughout the unrest. Local high school students (schools were closed...) provided some help and everyone was courteous and attentive.

---No visit to Pastafari as reservations need to be made well in advance (and the sand gravity studies seemed to interfere with that !!), so we didn't get a chance to go there for dinner.

---Weather seemed pretty much the same as when we normally go to Jamaica (in October...). Hot, rains in the late afternoon and some nights.... The sun is more directly overhead in April, so shoulders, heads, and ears need extra protection from the sun...

---The H-block Garden view rooms really are the best deal as you avoid the late night noise from the beach and the cost is lower.

---The water pressure problem seems to have been solved !!!! LOTS of pressure all day long !!!!

---The secret to avoiding the "hot/cold Hedo Shower Dance" ??? (I discovered this by accident...)

1. Turn on the hot and cold water and adjust by feeling the water out of the tub faucet.

2. Turn the shower regulator about halfway on so that the stream of water from the showerhead and the faucet is the same.

3. SHOWER until you are done !!!! I did this for quite a few days and it worked every time !!! :)

Home again:

Sunday found us preparing to leave the resort. We had a scheduled TimAir flight at 12:15 from the Aerodrome and after saying goodbye to George on the beach (and a farewell Dirty Banana..), we headed out a little earlier. We left the Aerodrome on an early flight and arrived in Montego Bay and headed for the long line at the NorthWest counter. Luckily we were in the First Class section, and walked right up to the counter instead of standing for a long time in the other line.... There, the agent informed us that the flight from Saturday had been cancelled and that they now had an extra flight coming in to take passengers DIRECTLY to Minneapolis (instead of the usual Tampa Bay stopover...) !!!

That meant that we would arrive about 3 hours prior to our previously scheduled time in Minneapolis !!! We only had about 20 minutes to go through security,etc and get to the gate, so we were fortunate to have arrived early at the airport..... Delays, loading problems, and an unruly passenger (hauled off to jail amid applause from other passengers......) held the flight up, but we were off the ground by 2:30 p.m. and heading for home. The Cuban government refused permission for our flight to cross their airspace, so a trip over the Cayman Islands and towards Cancun, avoiding Cuba was necessary. We arrived in Minneapolis around 7 p.m. after an uneventful flight. A short time later we were home going through the week's mail, and unpacking........

Conclusions:

This might be our last trip to Hedonism II (we've said that before..........) and after seeing some of the other places to stay in Jamaica, we may opt for other choices. The resort really has changed little over the years and it seemed to us that they are now not that interested in the repeat visitors. Maybe no change is good, but I think that we will opt for other venues.........However, there is no other place that we've found (or heard of) that compares to Hedo's atmosphere............

We had a great time, though, and want to thank the people that we met and already knew for the super time !!! Hope to see everyone soon !!!!

Contraband@aol.com