Take this quiz. If you answer 'no' to more than two
of the statements, consider going to another resort.
Not all the above necessarily occur but, if any did, would
it ruin your vacation? If the answer is 'yes,' then somewhere else may bring you
more pleasure.
Most questions about Hedo have to do with nudity, sex, who
goes there, and what to wear. Here are the quickie answers.
Nakedness
Is Hedo a nudist place?
Hedo is not a nudist resort. Guests are not naked
all the time. Nudity isn't mandatory and is only allowed within the walking paths
of the nude-side rooms and at the nude beach and nude pool complex. That's about
a third of the Hedo campus. Topless is permitted but not overly common on the
prude beach and at the prude swimming pool and hot tub.
On Thursday's Toga night, nudity is allowed at dinner. On
Tuesday's Pyjama night, nudity is allowed in the disco. The secret rumored rule
is that nudity is allowed anywhere at Hedo after midnight, but the truth of that
rule varies. Other than that, no nudity is allowed.
I'm nervous about the nude beach. What's it like?
Fun. Get naked. Get over it. Life's too short.
The second most difficult thing about the nude beach at Hedo is taking
your clothes off the first time. The most difficult thing is putting them
back on. (See Why Go Naked—and How To Get There on page 225.)
Our previous experience with nudism was 'no touchy-feelie'
at resorts. That is, nude is not equated with sex. What about at Hedo?
Hedo is different: it's not a nudist resort, but
a lot of people are naked. Hedo has strong erotic undertones and oftentimes overtones,
too. Some weeks are sexier than others depending on who's there. Some times of
the day or night (2 a.m. hot tub) are sexier than others. Hedo has touchy-feelie
among friends who enjoy it. Occasionally someone will touch you in a way you think
inappropriate, such as a fanny pat. Just let them know that doesn't fly with you
(if indeed, it doesn't) with words or a stern look—just like in the real
world.
Can I wear my bottoms on the nude beach?
Women, yes; men, no. Attractive women wearing their
bottoms will be looked at more than naked ones—as a curiosity and because
clothes make many people look sexier. (Sarongs or a long T-shirt are acceptable
cover-ups on the nude beach as long as you are naked under them.) When women have
their period, some wear bottoms (see Periodic Pain on page 242). Some weeks
the 'prude patrol' of hude guests is vociferous and may give you fun-natured grief,
but they usually let up if you are pleasant. Clothes are out of place on the nude
side, just as walking naked on the prude beach makes you out of place. But if
people have been seeing you naked on the beach, you can also wear clothes and
not be hassled. Women have more leeway to wear clothes on the nude beach than
men do because of the leer factor.
My spouse is a prude and I'm a nude—can we manage
okay?
The nude beach area just past the pier is a DMZ
for people who want to wear clothes but be on the nude beach with their friends
or spouse. Most nude people are uncomfortable with a dressed person hanging at
the bar or grill, though, unless that person is well-known and liked.
My husband is concerned about getting aroused on the
beach. Is this common?
"Wood on the beach!" Yup, wood happens,
but it's rare because most guests don't inspire that reaction. Naked doesn't equal
sexy. Some are proud of Mr. Happy taking a peek and like to show it off. One inspired
buck said, "I can't help it." So the women decorated his wood with body
stickers and then ignored it. (See Addressing Temporary Blood Displacement
on page 232.)
How to dress
What do people wear at Hedo?
Everyone favors tropical wear found at any Caribbean
resort. At breakfast and lunch in the dining area, men and women dress in shorts
and T-shirts, swimsuits (any type from big one-pieces with major support to minuscule
thongs), and cover-ups or sarongs.
Naked male chests are common at breakfast and lunch but not
at dinner. Naked female chests are not allowed off the beach except for Toga (during
dinner) or Pyjama nights (after dinner). At meals, women need only cover nipples,
even with a sheer or loosely woven material.
At dinner, people dress up more, though shorts and T-shirts
are still plentiful. Skirts approximating belts are not uncommon. Some women shop
Sluts 'R' Us and enjoy traipsing around in spandex and ultra heels.
Sandals are always okay, but socks are ridiculous—this
is the Tropics. Shoes are only required in the Pastafari restaurant. Shoes are
wise, however, because glass breaks nightly.
(See Best Dressed Is Undressed: Clothes Are for Closets
on page 29.)
What do I need for the Toga party?
Hedo supplies a white twin-size sheet. After cleaning
your room on Thursday, the maid puts an extra sheet folded on your bed. Bring
accessories, if you want, such as a belt, safety pins, gaudy jewelry, or a headpiece.
Do not wear underwear—the danger of having it removed by someone runs high.
How wild do people get on Pyjama and Toga nights?
Wild? As in clothes: very. For PJ night: from naked
to doggie collars to severe bondage stuff to cutesy-wootsy to boxer shorts to
full flannels with slippers and stuffed animal. Toga night can be judged by the
number of breasts on display. A good Toga night shows at least nine breasts (some
women wear a one-hooter halter).
Sex
I'm a single gal; are there any single guys?
Congratulations—you won first prize for the
easiest question to answer. Tell her what she's won, Johnny. You won an all-you-can-eat
smorgasbord of more single guys than you can handle. They'll be flown in at their
own expense from exotic locations all over the world—including New Jersey
and New York. You'll marvel at their ability to consume alcohol and wear tacky
beachwear. You'll be thrilled at their colorful use of slang. But wait—there's
more! You'll enjoy effortless flirtation from your Hunk-A-Roo Roundup nightly
at our world-famous hot tub! Enjoy the libation of choice as you take your pick
of dozens of boy bods, from beefcake to buff to bloated.
Will the swingers try to make me have sex with them?
Swingers, except for a few weeks of the year, make
up a small portion of the guests at Hedo. "Contrary to popular belief, people
in 'the lifestyle' will not chase you down and make you have sex with them,"
says Vicki from Las Vegas. "You have to be somewhat aggressive if you want
to have sex outside your relationship. No one spends time pursuing people who
have no interest in swinging because too many other people are willing and want
to play."
In the swinger lifestyle: 'No' always means 'no, thank you.'
Swingers generally are fun, social people and will not lure you in or make you
uncomfortable if you tell them, "Thanks for asking, but no thanks."
(See Swinging Is an Attitude, Not an Activity on page 259.)
We're not into the lifestyle scene but don't want
to alienate people by saying 'no' all the time. How does that work?
Only people who want to exchange bodily fluids
(and not socialize) will snub you. They are people into the total encounters scored,
not the quality. You'll have a great time laughing with your mate in your room
about their shabby advances.
Do people really have sex in the hot tub or is that
part of the Hedo hype?
Yes, sex in the hot tub occurs...as long as the
guards (a.k.a. the sex police) aren't stopping it. Some men do stare, but they
usually don't bother you. Sometimes lurkers aren't even there. You'll likely have
no problems with sex on the beach at night—and with the chair cushions, pleasant
beds can be made. Bring your bedspread to make your love nest cozy.
Is there a lot of sex going on openly?
The vast majority of guests are not getting it
on in public. The amount of open sex depends on the time of day or week and the
crowd. Open sex often occurs among the same people. Some people go home disappointed
because they never saw any open sex. Sometimes sex goes on whenever you aren't
around and stops whenever you appear. Hedo is not an orgy, but sometimes that
2 a.m. hot tub can become interesting.
Hedo is a physical place (affection included) for some
people, but you only go where you are invited, just like the real world. People
do jiggle each other's tits. They cup balls and give massages, but it's among
friends—and you know who you can do this with if you have good socialization
skills. This touching is for fun (read: cheap thrills) and doesn't last
long enough to result in orgasm.
How intrusive are the single guys? Will they be hitting
on my wife all the time?
Depends. What does your wife look like?
Your wife can use English to thwart advances—but
don't be disappointed if they don't occur. Strong language should work for the
rare person with severe rectal-cranial inversion.
Will I get laid?
Depends on whether someone says yes to your advances—just
like the real world. Contrary to the media reports, Hedo is not a big sex party.
If you are male and go to Hedo without a date, realize you won't be going for
the sex. Women, however, enjoy the high ratio of men to women. (See The Meet
Market: Advice for Singles on page 263.) You have no assurances people are
disease free; contrary to the "Exit to Eden" movie, Hedo has no mandatory
drug or disease test for admittance.
"Hedo is not a singles club. It would have been
more fun with a mate or close friend. But that didn't stop me from having the
time of my life. The people at Hedo are the most friendly people you'll find anywhere.
Go to Hedo with a good attitude and an open mind. If you are honest with people
and friendly, you are accepted by almost everyone, couples and singles, Nudes
or Prudes."
—John
Who goes to Hedo?
What type of person goes to Hedo?
All types go there. The repeaters tend to be a
little more affluent. Some upscale guests wear pricey jewelry on the beach to
show it off; most do not. Every occupation goes to Hedo, from doctors and lawyers,
to musicians and artists, to secretaries and truck drivers, to moms and retirees.
The guests are predominately white with 10% or so of
other races. Almost the entire staff is Black Jamaican. "Hedo has lots of
race issues," says Frank from Chicago. "You have to race to the hot
tub to get a good seat…you have to race to the bar to get a drink…you
have to race to the beach to get a raft…you have to race to the PJ party
so you can watch everyone else come in."
Most guests are from the United States, but a large
Canadian contingent is always at Hedo. Europeans and South Americans are gaining
in numbers. Usually at least one coordinator (staff who leads games) is fluent
in Spanish.
Generally, half the guests are couples. Men outnumber
women by at least 2 to 1, but some weeks the ratio seems more like 8 to 1. The
average age is low-40s, but the mid-range is 30 to 55 years old with 18 to 90
years of age possible. The attitude—not the look, age, or income of the person—makes
a difference in whether fun is had at Hedo. (See Go for the Sex, Stay for the
People on page 141.)
Is everyone supermodel thin, or is there a range?
The range of people you see at Hedo is the same
range you'll see at home—from hard bodies to what most people are: lumpy.
But get over yourself—whether you are an Adonis or a chubbo. Hedo guests
are forgiving. No one cares what you look like unless they want to have sex with
you—and everyone's taste differs.
"From time to time I heard something stupid such
as, 'the ones not wearing suits are the ones who really should.' Nothing could
be further from the truth. The older women, the larger women, the woman with the
mastectomy, the ones with stretch marks, you are all gorgeous...your bodies look
great and most of you had a spirit that was just so attractive. The young petite
girls have nothing on you. (Although young pretty girls contribute a great deal,
too.)"
—Steve, a single guy
Do repeater groups take over Hedo?
Repeater groups don't usually make Hedo virgins
uncomfortable—likely because they're getting quieter and are becoming more
eager to meet new people. Repeater groups tend to be couples and 40+somethings.
The last three weeks of January are heavily populated with Lifestylers. You find
fewer singles at those times, but singles are always at Hedo. Repeat offenders
can fill up more than 60% of the resort, especially during the resort's Anniversary
(Nov. 1) and many U.S. holidays. (See Isle Be Back: Repeaters Are Surprisingly
Organized on page 158.)
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